Cake, coffee and bagels mmm...

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I'm off for a coffee and a bagel. Mmmmmm...

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Ethnic Super Zombie

It is true - the once legendary Ethnic Super Zombie has recruited a tribe of not so ethic and not so super soon to be zombies in the form of this 'crack' team known locally as, wait for it, the 'Ethnic Super Zombies'. This team of once nice, respectable young men has been turned into a super group of vicious and quite accurate (when not drunk) super zombies.

Head of the group is the legendary Ethnic Super Zombie himself. A zombie so ethnic and so super it almost defies belief.

Charmed Apocalypse! Boooom!

Charmed Apocalypse Pictures went live on Friday 28th January - this is a big deal if you like indie films with balls and soul and of course zombies! It is no secret (as the previous post suggested) that these two likely lads of the UK horror scene will be banging the living dead out of their debut horror feature this year, working title 'Resurrection'. Eyes and ears should be kept well and truly open wide as a zombies gape to track their progress.

For news on Jake Hawkins & Andy Phelps progress read the latest updates on Charmed Apocalypse Pictures website.

Shooting the Dead! How to fudge your way through a horror film in the UK

Ever wanted to know how to bag yourself a Zombie horror flick in the UK these days? No? Well these two probably won't have much to talk to you about as it seems this is their one and only goal for 2011... ok then.

So if you are partial to guts, blood, gore, obscenities and general larking around tom-twatishness you will get a serious rise out of the goretastic Shooting the Dead - a no holds barred account of the horriffic ups and downs these two clows will no doubt go through to bring the general public another dose of low budget awesome.

Heroin Shortage in UK: Keep Calm and Carry On!

It's a sad time for the entrepreneurial smack peddler types among us... Due to a huge shortage of opiates throughout the UK many aspiring tripple goosed up businessmen, women and children are being forced to cut their brown with 'other substances'.

The shortage is reported to be down to a fungus that has destroyed much of the poppy croppy in Afghanistan by as much as half. Sad face.

Something needs to be done and quick, otherwise horsemen among us could be forced to chase highs from more easily accessible and less shitty products such as Bleach, Dettol Mildew Remover or just plain gas.

With the large number of UK forces present in Afghanistan until 2015, surely we should be doing more to protect the poppy crops of the humble opium farmer and ensure the smackheads are getting the right fix.

Students Protest Against Higher Education Fees

F**k the fees indeed. Here's a picture of some seriously cheesed off students heading to the Tory HQ to pay Dave a visit. You can see the happy one is already regaling at the thought of spilling Tory blood...

This is fantastic; charge the tits off of students when there's no money to go round, push higher education harder in the schools and make every Tom, Dick and Harriet feel like total wankers if they don't go to University. I went to Uni and guess what - I'd have been better starting at the bottom and working my way up because there's one tiny little incy wincy thing that guzzling watered down fosters and having sex with your friends and handing in half baked assignments doesn't give you: experience. That's right I said it - University doesn't provide working experience (particular courses might - but that bit of paper saying you're really clever really doesn't amount to jack when everyone else going for a job has one too), you have to get that yourself. Here are some crazy ideas that I believe will fix this education fiasco:

1. Get a job after school and work your way up. While all your mates are buying £2 pints and working the 'friend' angle on their class mates bird you can be paying for high end escorts, coke and champers with all that minimum wage you accrue.

2. Search the inter web thingy and find out a million things you never knew/wanted to know/wanted to see (delete appropriately). Seriously though, get the free information while you can before that wretched c*nt makes us pay for knowledge.

3. Take a leaf out of Switzerland's book and create a higher education system based on apprenticeships and hands on learning.

I'm off to by a reversible Nick Clegg hoody for rioting purposes! The side with the old polices on is red so it hides the blood...